Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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