M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I believe in your delicious
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
