she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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