awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
where are my eyebrows?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
