i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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