chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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