I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
