and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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