I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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