it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize