One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
