he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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