At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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