Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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