I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
