Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
