remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We got so high we made milksteak
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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