are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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