Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
