ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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