Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
