Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
