our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
