Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
