Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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