it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
