P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bring me that man meat
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
