I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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