she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
