as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
