I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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