I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
