Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just google imaged poop.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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