I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
