I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
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He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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