Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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