70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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