if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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