his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
