That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
