Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Come on in and take your pants off
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