have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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