Quick, to the slutcave!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
