im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
