dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
