Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
