Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
