im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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