My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
