Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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