She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
