Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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