Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
