last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
