using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
