I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
