i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
