"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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