My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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