Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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