Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize