went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
