The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
