I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
