I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
