just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
