I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Be still, my beating vagina.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
