at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
