so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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