we're chasing vodka with high fives
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
