have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
