Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
