i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
