her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
